


denial

by osakiss



Category: Twisted-Wonderland (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:14:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28063785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/osakiss/pseuds/osakiss
Summary: Jamil isn't able to come to terms with Kalim's suicide.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 43





	denial

**Author's Note:**

  * For [helenalionheart](https://archiveofourown.org/users/helenalionheart/gifts), [LittleGirlMurder](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleGirlMurder/gifts).



> back at it again w the angst
> 
> hi helenalionheart and littlegirlmurder! i saw you both wanted jamil's thoughts and decided to deliver~ i hope you dont mind me gifting it to you, and that it's to your tastes ehehe
> 
> please head the warnings~ this is a direct continuation from [uncertainties](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27726418) , (you dont need to read it but can if you want to -w-) and kalim Does, in fact, die so... themes of that !!

The room was too large. The bed was much too soft. The large pillars between what he could barely consider to be windows. All of the sky was showing through them. Much different from his old room, where he had a considerable amount more privacy. Where he only had one window with red drapes over it. Everything was so extravagant. 

Jamil wasn't used to this.

Ever since Kalim committed suicide a few weeks ago, Jamil had been assigned as dorm head. He was the only one suited for the position. Scarabia was running better than ever before. Jamil didn't have to put a lid on his talent, being allowed to excel and pull up his grades. The Asim family didn't have his head for not protecting his master due to it being a suicide. The fate Kalim had chosen for himself. There was a suicide note as well. Jamil never bothered to read it. Though, he was informed it was a rather formal letter. Nothing regarding his grievances, and Kalim's father was still trying to decipher it. He even sent a copy of the letter to Jamil, hoping all the time Jamil spent serving and caring for Kalim would help them figure out the cause. Perhaps some kind of code only Jamil could understand? Jamil still didn't read the letter. The new heir already had a servant by his side, therefore Jamil was free from his previous life that restricted him until he couldn't breathe anymore. 

So why does it still feel like he can't breathe?

Weeks. It had been weeks and Jamil still couldn't process that Kalim was gone. Everyday he woke up and progressed as normal. He was basically already running Scarabia before after all, now he just had the title and more work on his shoulders. Every moment felt like Kalim would just pop up again. Hug him, beg him to play a game with him, drag him around Scarabia as he did once before. Jamil was able to cling to the disbelief in reality during the day. He knew in his head Kalim was gone, but it seems his heart hadn't processed the fact. 

The second Jamil was alone in that large room by himself again surrounding by nothing but the chilling breeze and illumination of the night sky was when the realization finally crashed onto him that Kalim was no longer here. His chest would constrict and he would feel his eyes well up with tears. 

He would never be able to forget the scene he was when he came inside Kalim's room to see what all the noises were. He was always a light sleeper. What if an assassin tried to come and kill him while they were sleeping? It wouldn't have been the first time, and so Jamil trained himself to wake up at the slightest of noises. It made sleep difficult, but it was worth it when Kalim was still alive and able to wake up happily, yawning obnoxiously as he always did. The room was empty but the light of the bathroom was on. 

The situation wasn't weird. There was nothing off about it. Lights are meant to be on when using the bathroom. Kalim probably just stumbled on something in his sleepy state before entering the bathroom. But something wasn't sitting right with Jamil. He knew that he needed to open that door immediately. Jamil didn't know what he expected, but the sight before his eyes made him want to hurl right there. 

He never expected to see Kalim's corpse.

Kalim had deep slits in his wrists. The radical artery. There was no mistake for what he was trying there. A box cutter in his chest to seal the deal, all while laying in a pool of his own blood. Jamil wasn't able stomach the sight. He didn't know if he fell. He couldn't feel anything but the hot tears streaming down his face. Was he screaming? He didn't know. But the rest of Scarabia had shown up and taken Kalim to urgent care in hopes of saving him. The cut to his artery was too deep. He did something right for once, as much as Jamil hated it. The one thing Jamil would've loved if Kalim had fucked up. Kalim Al-Asim was pronounced dead to the world, but Jamil's heart seemed to ignore it.

The thought of that night made Jamil cry. Touching his face for tears, not realizing he was crying all along at the memory. As much as Jamil had once wished for Kalim to disappear, he never actually meant it. He didn't really want Kalim to go away from him. The pain he went through was really... because of his parents. But it was easier to blame Kalim then to come to terms with it.

From childhood, his master saw him as an equal. As his best friend. Considered him a brother. And Jamil had been so tired of his so-called friend for being oblivious and not noticing his pain, how much he had to suppress himself for the sake of Kalim that he hurled words he never meant at Kalim in a fit of rage. Overblotting from his anger, his frustration. When he said he didn't want to be friends, he meant that he wanted to do it on his own terms. After all, everything else had been taken from him. Can't he at least be allowed to chose his friend? 

The ache in his chest never went away. Jamil got up from his bed and picked out the letter. He was finally going to read it. After scanning the page, Jamil laughed. Of course. Leave it to Kalim to do the exact opposite of what a suicide note was meant for. You were supposed to air your grievances, not just state you didn't feel needed and then leave everyone. What caused it? Why do you feel this way? You can't just leave. But Jamil put one hand underneath the page and used a water spell. Jamil smirked. The sultan was right, they _did_ have a code just for the two of them.

He stopped smirking when he noticed no words were appearing. Did Kalim not leave any message for him at all? Was that it? Why didn't he feel like he was needed? It ate at Jamil's conscience.

Was it because of what he said before his overblot...? The realization dawned on Jamil. 

_“The spell that binds me can’t be released just like that… as long as you exist in this world, Kalim!”_

Did he take that to heart? But Jamil hadn't meant it. But Kalim also didn't know that, it was the first time Jamil had said anything of the sort and Kalim accepted it all without question. Did Kalim sacrifice himself for his sake? For his freedom?

The ache in his heart grew, and Jamil clutched the note close to his heart as he wept. This was never what he wanted.

**Author's Note:**

> *wipes tears* oh if only i let jamikali be happy AHAHAHA


End file.
